Just when i thought that i am the only one having these terrible unwanted thoughts in my mind, i realize that actually these symptoms are relatively common in psychological terms. I have told no one about this, except my boyfriend, my bro and mum. I don't want my friends to think that i am nuts.
SIGH, why is my life full of unpredictable shitttts this year.
A trip to the psychiatrist the other day made me realize that i am not the only one, and finally for that moment... I feel that i am not crazy. So... The actual psychological term for that is actually called OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS, which are symptoms of ANXIETY.
Looking happy is just my outer shell, but within me there is still something which is still bothering me and i cant get that thought out.
I don't think other people can understand my situation, so i feel looking happy is still the best choice. People tell me "Just don't think about it" Yes, I know, but this unwanted thoughts are that persistent.
Its this thoughts that keep spinning in my head, no matter what i do, its still stuck in my head. This thoughts of i cant get to sleep, keeps repeating and repeating subconsciously in my head, eventually making me have the phobia of sleeping. Makes me reliant on sleeping pills to sleep.
Every single day, I get tortured by my unwanted thoughts and i cant focus on everything i do. Sort of takes a lot of effort.
A mixture of stress and tiredness due to medication is what live with me, and i get a splitting headache often. Psychiatrist asked me why didn't i defer, and she was impressed that i managed to progress. She says that MY MIND IS IN A MESS NOW. Yess, i totally agree with that statement.
NOW MY INNER MIND IS A PIECE OF SHIT, LIKE THIS IMAGE LOL
This thoughts just wont go off no matter how i try to shake it off. After i done some research on google, numerous scientific studies have shown that trying too hard to "not" think about something actually causes you to think about it more than if you tried to think about it. That's because the brain keeps reminding you of the thought in order to remind you not to think about it. It's a strange way the brain works that makes it very hard for someone that wants to end their obsessive thoughts to actually stop it.
This means to say i have to accept it and then live with it. well, i hope after sessions with the psychologist i get treated and can move on to the next stage of my life.
Anyways i did this test on anxiety online.. and it fit into the picture of the situation i am in now.
It's hard for you to enjoy life on any consistent level. You're hardly ever experiencing a peace of mind. You're often fearful, worrisome, and unhappy. You don't like being this way but you don't know what to do to change. Things are too much work and no one understands the way you feel. You wear yourself out with your thoughts and "What-if" thinking
Visit this website for more information http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/signs/obsessive-thoughts
Persistent and negative thoughts are one of the most common signs of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety makes it nearly impossible to stop focusing on things that you don’t want to focus on. These thoughts are rarely positive, often related to either your fears or your emotions, and in many cases the existence of the thought causes further anxiety and often leads to more obsessions.
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